Helpless
by Illyrian Lassie
Summary: Orihime wants to commit suicide after ther meeting eith Ulqiorra. contains mild spoilers to chapter 236...after all it was the extensions of my imagination while waiting for chapter 237. Ichigo involved.


**Helpless**

**Disclaimer**: I am merely an insignificant fan fiction writer making no money from Kubo Tite's characters.

**Spoiler Alert**: Up to chapter 236 of the manga.

**Author's note**: This is just a little extension of my imagination of the story while waiting for the next chapter. I am new, and truly depending on reviews to sharpen my skills. Reviews, good or bad are most welcomed! Arigatou gozaimasu.

Inoue Orihime had never felt so helpless in her life. She had not only failed to prevent damages to both the real world and Soul Society from the Arrancar attack lead by Ulqiorra which retreated just a moment ago, she had also made herself a burden.

Standing in the tunnel that bonds both world, watching Shunou and Ayame returning the two shinigamis that had been so kind their attempt to save her from Ulqiorra to their original states, before they were fatally wounded by the Arrancar, Inoue broke down in tears.

She had always been a vulnerable character, and she cries very easily. But, this time around, it wasn't a mere sadness or fear that overwhelmed her, prompting to shed those tears. It was the depressing feeling of helplessness.

She had been helpless when her brother died in the fatal accident. If she hadn't initiate their argument an that day, he might not be taken away from her. It was a punishment, she had been sure of that.

She could do nothing when her brother's soul was devoured by Hollows and attacked her after turning into one. It was Kurosaki-kun that had protected her from her monstrous of a brother. She had indirectly caused her brother's transformation into a Hollow. It was her who had been the reason her brother's attachment to the world and his tragic fate of not being able to spend his afterlife in Soul Society.

She could do nothing when the 4th seat of 7th division had attacked both Ishida-kun and her. Tsubaki had failed because of her weak heart. Despite her extensive trainings with Yoruichi-san, she had proven herself a failure the first moment of their invasion of Seireitei. Despite entering Soul Society with a resolution to save Kuchiki-san and proved herself worthy of possessing Shun Shun Rikka, the power granted by Kurosaki-kun, she had been nothing but a burden that has to be protected in times of combat.

She had to be taken away from the scene of battle between Ishida and the 12th division captain because she was too weak to witness such a battle. She had wanted to fight, but if she wasn't even allowed to be a fighting scene, she is not a person to be qualified to fight anyone. She had knew it back then, and hiding it beneath her cheerful personality is not an easy thing to do. All she can do in her remaining time in Soul Society is to try her best not to get hurt and worry anyone. Not Kurosaki-kun, not anyone. In this way, she could even deceive herself, because she had wanted to believe that weakness is not a crime, and as long as she doesn't get hurt, she is useful enough.

But that lie doesn't last long. She, once again had not been able to help when Yammy sucked the souls of at least half of Karakura Town, including Tatsuki-chan. And she had not been able to help Chad, causing his arm to break, and later, causing Tsubaki to be almost completely crushed in Yammy's brutal hands. And even after that, she had to rely on Kurosaki-kun's timely arrival to save her. Then she had to get herself hurt while getting herself caught in the crossfire. She was a good-for-nothing, useless one.

In the aftermath of the first Arrancar's invasion of Karakura Town, Kurosaki-kun had apologized profusely. But she could do nothing but refused his apologize. She told him that she voluntarily get hurt. It was her stupidity that caused it, not his weakness, she had told him. It was to make her feel better, and also to make herself feel better. How could she accept his apology when it was her weakness that had caused Kurosaki-kun to get hurt? If she had been stronger, she could have protected him instead. But she didn't manage to do anything she had intended, for it had caused Kurosaki-kun to lose his will as a shinigami.

Eventually, Kuchiki-san's return was the one that restored his will, his duty and his resolutions as a shinigami. Inoue Orihime had done nothing but depress him further. She had never wanted to admit it, but she was the one Kurosaki-kun needed and not her, the pathetic Inoue Orihime. She couldn't stop the tears from flowing into Rangiku-san. She was nothing but a useless person.

Perhaps everyone else had realized of her uselessness, being kept out of battle during the second Arrancar threat, caught by Rangiku-san's gigai, watching in fear, doing nothing. Even Urahara-san had chose to not involve her, as if trying to break her connections with her friends who had tried their best to protect her. Perhaps it will be better this way, she wouldn't get in the way, she wouldn't need protection, and they could concentrate on battling the Arrancars.

The situation had worsened now. Aizen seemed to be strengthening his army of Hollows, which had been big enough for him to send four Espadas in a mission. One of them to capture her. Not only she is a burden, she is their dangerous asset. Any wrong word or move could result in their death. She is helpless.

Gosh, she hated the feeling.

Now, at least Inoue Orihime knew one thing: she is a marked woman.

She may be helpless to unmark herself as the one Aizen wanted.

Now, she hated herself.

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It has been a week after the Espada assault on the world, and everyone is still healing.

Ikkaku and Yumichika suffered no extensive injury, but Lupii's whips from his tentacles were not light. They were now training harder, and elevating their reiatsus. Ikkaku finally realized that merely having a bankai is not enough, and due to the need to keep it a secret, he had not been able to train with Houzukimaru in open. But now he couldn't care of what happens if he was discovered to have reached bankai stage. He needed to be stronger to be able to defeat the Espadas. Yumichika however, treasured his privacy and was still not ready to reveal his zanpaktou's abilities. He however, had been taking private lessons from his buddy, Ikkaku to learn how to achieve bankai.

Urahara, however, does not need healing. He had sustained no damage from his fight with the giant Yammy. But he had been trying hard to perfect his latest creation, the portable gigai while enhancing his previous inventions and derive new gadgets that might be useful in upcoming battles. After all, the idea of portable gigai had only been a mischievous idea to serve no purpose in particular, but it had proved to be useful in deceiving Yammy.

Abarai and Chad however, had been resting a lot lately, together with everyone else not to recover from their injuries, but to restore their energies. Once recovered, they will return to Urahara's secret training ground and train more, sometimes well into the night. Kuchiki also had been recovering and training with Abarai. She was the lowest ranking shinigami in the mission, and she vowed to get stronger.

Kurosaki was in the worst shape. He had not recovered in any manner, not physically, not psychologically, not mentally. He seemed to be content of staring into the ceiling while in Urahara's care, and locking himself in the room when he got home two days after the attack. Hitsugaya made no move to improve the situation, and had forbidden anyone to confront him. He understood how he felt. He, after all had acted like that whenever he failed to protect those closest to him, Hinamori and Matsumoto.

And speaking of Matsumoto….

Sitting on the rooftop of Inoue's apartment, Hitsugaya's eyes were suddenly covered by a pair of hands, and he felt lump of flesh on each side of his ears. He had an immediate feeling of déjà vu.

'Guess who?' And it was the usual playful voice of his assistant that greeted him.

'Matsumoto!' he bellowed, 'I am going to be the laughing stock of the whole of Soul Society when I die choking in your….your things…those gigantic piece of meat on your chest if you keep on doing that!' Somehow Hitsugaya never liked to use the word 'breast' to refer to her assets, 'which I will try my hardest to avoid, seeing that I'm getting used to these attacks of yours'.

'Hey, taichou, what has gotten into you today? Why aren't you in the mood to play with me?' Trust Matsumoto to take matters lightly. 'You know, it had always given me a lot of boost in self-esteem by not drooling over my breast. Everywhere I go, people just had to stare and rush to me and that's only for the guys. Girls, they do nothing but turned away. You are probably the only guy I know to have not been affected by them.'

'I got sick of them, Matsumoto. If you would only start covering them, the complaints might just stop', Hitsugaya was running out of excuses to tell Matsumoto to cover her assets.

'That's why I love you so much, taichou! My cute little taichou!' She began to lift him up and crush his whole body into hers. Hitsugaya was appalled by such a sudden outflow of displays of affections by Matsumoto. Not that he had not endured her countless flirts, in fact he was the only captain in the entire Soul Society to be the one to have his vice-captain flirted shamelessly at him. And, it was Matsumoto we are talking about, the most sensational woman in Soul Society, with the body to die for, a fact that Lupii had just so recently confirmed. That damned androgynous faggot! What would he give to have that Espada dead before his eyes, that little piece of rubbish who was so into hurting Matsumoto just because he thought that her body was scandalous.

'Taichou, what are you thinking?' Hitsugaya was called back to earth by Matsumoto's voice.

Lupii. That treacherous one. Why hadn't he die in his ice prison? It was a new tactic, just recently thought by Hyourinmaru himself, and it had worked well. Well, at least until the Negations saved him from Hitsugaya.

'Matsumoto, we need more training to face them. The espadas.' And Matsumoto understood what had been bothering his cute little boy of a captain.

'Thanks, taichou.' Matsumoto began, 'if you hadn't recover in time, I might not be able to survive. After all, my Haineko could not help, and if you had not….maybe he'll kill me.' Her eyes shook and waters began to well up in them.

'I could not bear the feeling of losing you. as lazy as you are, you have your uses. Besides, I must make sure that you stay alive for me to keep on boosting your self esteem!' Hitsugaya soften up, seeing the usually tough Matsumoto on the verge of crying. He felt like a blade had thrust through his heart at that very moment.

Both of them stared at each other for some time. Somehow it was comfortable this way. A moment of silence to cool down both their heads. They had been through a lot, and taking out some time to think is just what they both need.

'Matsumoto, let's get back to Inoue. She must be worried,' Hitsugaya broke the silence. He walked towards her and gently stroked her face with his highly calloused right hand. 'Don't worry, I will get stronger and I will defeat those monsters. I won't give them a chance to hurt you again.'

Smiling at her captain, she stood up and followed her captain.

They were about to witness a tragedy in making. It was just across the door, in Inoue Orihime's room.

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Orihime had not eaten for days. She does not want to eat. And even if there was a display of the world's most delicious food, she couldn't bring herself to savor them.

What should she do now? She had never wanted to get in anybody's way, but now she had gotten in everyone's way. Officially. Aizen had wanted her. Only her. But he had made sure that she would want to voluntarily enter the the world of Hollows, into the Hueco Mundo. A sure-fire way- attack her friends. And if she refused, they would just keep attacking again.

She had been keeping quiet about her feelings , and had only told Urahara-san about Aizen's intention. Upon knowing the reasons for near-capture, Kurosaki-kun went into a state of withdrawal. Urahara-san had said nothing, he just opened his fan and smilingly told everyone that it is time to get some work done. After that, Urahara-san had not leave his workroom.

She thought of her brother, how he had impaled himself with Kurosaki's zanpaktou because he was afraid of hurting her again. At that moment, she was deeply saddened that she had to lose her brother once again, and yet greatly admired the way her brother face himself and the reality. Then, the reality was that he was already a Hollow, though not his own will, but still a demon. And there was no other way to deal with a demon.

The reality now is that Inoue Orihime is wanted by the traitor of Soul Society, Aizen Sousuke. He wanted her powers. If she does not comply to his rules, he would kill her friends. They are either going to die because of her going to the other side of the supernatural world, or die fighting to protect her from the dark side. Either way, it would be for her.

She could do nothing to change that.

And the fact that she would cause a great deal of war soon.

Gosh, she is a burden. A burden is an unwanted asset.

Therefore, there is no other way to deal with burdens other that throw them away. Make them disappear. Inoue Orihime wanted to disappear at that very moment.

She went to the kitchen, and took out a sharp, thin knife.

'Inoue, what do you think you are doing?' Suddenly Hitsugaya appeared and held her hand while the other hand trying to take the knife away from her.

"Orihime, calm down!' Rangiku-san had also appeared at the scene. Seeing the amount of struggle Orihime had been putting, Rangiku-san cast the Binding Spell Number 1 on her.

Releasing a sobbing Orihime, Hitsugaya said, 'Matsumoto, please call Kurosaki immediately.'

With that, Rangiku disappeared.

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Ichigo was lying on the bed when Matsumoto appeared. She stood at his door in a

manner which prompted Kon to rushed at her, but, as usual got the fist treatment. Karin brought him the guest whom he had least expected.

Her sudden appearance was followed by her sudden grip of his wrist. Matsumoto pulled Ichigo out of the door, while Ichigo could only yell, 'Rangiku-san, What are you doing? Where are taking me to?'

It was only after they ran out of the house into an alleyway that Matsumoto stopped. 'Orihime tried to commit suicide, Ichigo. She needs you at this moment.'

Ichigo was stunned by the revelation. The Inoue that he know would have not encouraged suicide, moreover than to actually do it herself. But what can he do? 'What does it have to do with me?', however is what he said.

Matsumoto turned around and walked a step closer to Ichigo. 'Ichigo, if you continue with this ignorance, you are definitely going to lose her. We are in desperate situation where we either have to fight to save her from Aizen, or we will lose her to him, which will only means that you are never going to see her again, not even in Soul Society. Talk to her, how you will protect her, and how she is not a burden.'

'Burden? I had not said or anything like that….' Ichigo's words were cut by Matsumoto.

';She doesn't know that. She had always thought of herself as nothing but an annoying extra burden that cannot do anything to help. But I know what you felt. You were trying to protect her, am I right?

Ichigo remained silent. 'Don't think I cannot see through you, Ichigo. You loved her innocent self. You loved the way she can never hurt other people, the way she is so sensitive about other people, the way she tried to heal everybody. You do not want her to fight because you do not want her hand to be stained by the colour of blood. You loved her innocence, you loved her. That's your reasons to protect her.'

'And now she needed you more than ever. I know how you felt about her. But she doesn't know them. Right now, she is losing not the will to heal, but more importantly, the courage to stay alive. Understand? Do not wait until it is too late, Ichigo. There is nothing you can do after she has been taken away by Aizen Sousuke.'

Ichigo knew she was talking about Ichimaru Gin. He had a sudden desire to see Orihime and tell her how she is not a burden and how he would protect her. He had sworn to protect her, but is he needs to, he would swear it over and over again to her.

'Take me to her, Rangiku-san'

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'Kurosaki-kun….' Orihime was speechless when she saw Ichigo at her doorstep.

'Inoue….' Ichigo can't help showing the same hurt expression that he had worn when she had refused his apology. 'Why Inoue? Why are you doing this?' Ichigo walked forward towards a kneeling Inoue, no doubt paralyzed by Hitsugaya, then bent down to face her tear-filled face.

As if on cue, both Hitsugaya and Matsumoto walked away from the kitchen.

'Kurosaki-kun, I do not want to follow the orders from Aizen. I thought I was a burden, now I am nothing but a liability. He will kill you if I do not go there and give him my powers.' Inoue sobbed again, her face turning away.

'But you do not have to die. You are stronger than that.' Ichigo said softly, 'the Inoue I know is a happy, cheerful girl.'

'Kurosaki-kun, it is not that. I just thought that if I die, Aizen would not have my powers, and you guys would not be killed. If I die, he won't have a reason to come after you again.' She continued.

'Inoue, what about my feelings? What am going to do if you die? Who am I going to protect?' Ichigo asked.

'Kurosaki-kun, Kuchiki-san is more important to you than….' At this words, Ichigo placed his hand on her chin, effectively stopping her mid-sentence and turning her face to his direction.

'You are the one I had sworn to protect. Other than my family, you are the one I am going to protect with all my life. Not only yourself, also your innocence,' at this, Ichigo broke the binding spell cast on her, and took her hand, 'You have a pair of clean, unstained hands. I want to protect that. Do not blame yourself; blame me, because I am the one who doesn't want to see you ever again in any battle. Your hands are to heal, not drench in blood.'

Inoue said nothing to oppose Ichigo's words, and he continued, 'Inoue, I want you to understand my resolve to protect you. Or do you not trust me?'

'I do trust you, Kurosaki-kun!' Inoue looked up to him and said.

Ichigo snatched that opportunity. He grabbed her waist and pulled her towards him. 'Inoue, do not just trust me, believe in me. I will get stronger, I know I can do it. I will do anything to protect you from Aizen Sousuke. I will do anything, as long as you are safe.' Inoue was stunned, but she held on tight to Ichigo and cried onto his shoulder.

'Thank you, Kurosaki-kun. Thank you.' Orihime felt totally helpless as she fell for Ichifo's charm, embraced by his warm body. She felt very safe, as if the rain in her heart had stopped.

All this while Ichigo made it so that she can do nothing but fell into his world. She was helpless, she can't prevent herself from loving him.

And that felt very good.

THE END

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End file.
